it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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