508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
