if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
