i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
