wat bout pragnant strippers??
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
