I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
