Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
