you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
