At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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