Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"

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(519): View more from Ontario

I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

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(631): View more from New York

the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?

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(250): View more from British Columbia

she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

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(313): View more from Michigan

Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker

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(530): View more from California

THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.

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(310): View more from California

Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk

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