Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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