Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
