you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
