walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize