Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
bring money and cleavage
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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