Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize