I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
