words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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