i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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