you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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