My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
