do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
