We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
