We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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