If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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