The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
