Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
