He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
