Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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