dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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