The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
