Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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