i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
