Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
