i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
