Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
