i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
