Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
