just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
