I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
