i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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