I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
