she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
