I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
