and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
