life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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