You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
