I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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