I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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