Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
