Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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