I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
