i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
