I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
