she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
