Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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