Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
