My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
